


Fix You

by EmternalSummers



Series: Happier Days [2]
Category: NINE PERCENT (Band), 偶像练习生 | Idol Producer (TV)
Genre: A literally poor child, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Poor Zhangjing, Post-College AU, Some Non-con touching, Successful Yanjun, but it gets happier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-26
Updated: 2019-05-26
Packaged: 2020-03-19 20:56:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18978202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmternalSummers/pseuds/EmternalSummers
Summary: One year out of college and Zhangjing is not living the live he envisioned. Rejected from every company he tried, living pay check to pay check, and utterly alone. That is, until one night where he feels like everything is going downhill, that he's reunited with a familiar face that just so happens to be the only one that can fix him.





	Fix You

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! Shout out to wifi in the mountains, right? Anyway, here's the continuation some people wanted from my original Zhangjun fic. Just be aware this covers some sensitive topics and it does not get happy right away, so you're in for a ride. Anyway, I did most of this in the car on my phone, so I apologize in advance for any glaring mistakes that I'll go back and fix... One day. Anyway, thanks for reading!
> 
> Edited 2/21/2020: Now with less errors and more clarity!

“ _Good morning folks of New York! This morning, I am here to greet our newest guest. He’s becoming a household name as you can find him both in the office and on stage. Welcome to-_ ” The television clicked off as the camera panned back to show the host of the show with another guest beside him. Zhangjing stood in the center of his small apartment, robe wrapped tightly around himself. His teeth chattered as he moved from his bathroom over to his bed tucked into the corner of the living room. Collapsing down in it, he took his thin blanket and wrapped it around himself in an attempt to conserve heat.

_“You just don’t suit our image. Don’t get us wrong, you have an amazing voice, but your image isn’t… right.”_

_“Have you ever thought of being a vocal coach? You could probably be more cut out for behind the scenes kind of work.”_

_“Yeah, you’re good, but you’re a bit too old to debut at this point… Are you still trying?”_

The words from his past few interviews hung heavy in Zhangjing’s heart. Now a year out of college and he thought heading out to a bigger city rather than staying in the cozy little college town would be a fresh new start and help him in the long run. As it turns out, that wasn’t the case. Every interview he’s been to has been a disaster. They enjoyed his voice, that much he could understand, but apparently his ‘image’ wasn’t what they wanted.

Zhangjing didn’t think he looked old or anything. In fact, he was often mistaken for someone younger and was always carded when he went out on a rare occasion to drink. Was it his teeth? Maybe they didn’t like his bunny styled teeth, but he never had the right money or time to get braces to fix it. His hugged himself, stomach growling loudly. At one point, he thought that maybe it was his weight, so he had been trying to eat less. That, and the thought of decent food was a far-off dream.

_“Here, for my Xiao Tuzi!”_

Zhangjing jolted away from his half asleep state at the memory penetrated his mind. “No, no, no… Throw it away…” He muttered to himself, pulling the blanket over his head. He held back tears, but the stinging of his heart didn’t lighten. Ever since the day, Zhangjing had tried to forget everything about him, but it was easier said than done.

Slipping his hand under his covers, the brunette checked his phone that was charging. He still had a few hours before he needed to head off to work, so he chose this time to try and get some sleep. For the past few months, sleep seemed to avoid Zhangjing, so when given the chance, he tried to get as much of it as possible. It was a step over walking around in a zombie like state that he usually did.

Just when Zhangjing was about to finally drift into blissful rest, there was a pounding on his door. He let out a small whine, hoping to be able to ignore the pounding until it became ever more insistent. Eventually with a grumbled “Coming,” Zhangjing managed to stumble up to the door, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes. Opening the door, he found himself face to face with his landlord.

“Damn bro, you look like you just came back from hell,” Jin commented, examining Zhangjing from top to bottom. Zhangjing snorted, running a hand through his mussed up hair. “Then again, you might want to go back there. You’re late on rent. Again.”

Zhangjing’s heart plummeted. This month, like the last ones before it, he was tight on money. His stress on looking for work made him forget all about the rent and he knew he didn’t have enough money to pay for it right then. It was sad, really, considering just how cheap this run-down set of aparments is. It was hard to find anywhere cheaper, not like there were many options in the first place.

“I’m sorry…” He started with a small voice but Jin just dismissively waved his hand.

“I didn’t mind the first time and I was only annoyed the second time, but this is your fourth time, Zhangjing. I’m sorry to say this, but you can’t keep living here any more. I have no other choice than to kick you out. You’re a good kid and I really didn’t want to have to do this, but you’re one payment too late. I’m sorry.” Jin gave the still stunned Zhangjing a hug, placing one hand on the brunette’s shoulder. “Today is Monday. I’m giving you until the end of tomorrow to move out.”

Zhangjing stared numbly out the door as Jin left. Once his door closed, he collapsed to his knees, body soon wracked with sobs. He has been trying so damn hard to get himself out from the bottom, but it just wasn’t working. Every step forward he tried to take felt like five steps backwards. All he wanted to do was go on stage and perform, make people happy with his music, be a better person, but none of that was happening. Why couldn't he just have a taste of what he wanted? And at this point, he felt like it never would.

Zhangjing didn’t know how long he stayed in that position,  on the floor, slumped against his door for support and crying weakly. All he knew was that the next sound that he heard that wasn’t him was his phone’s alarm going off to remind him it was time to get ready for work. At least he had his phone. It was the one thing his parents offered to pay for. Otherwise, they were far away, situated on the other side of the country and Zhangjing didn’t have the heart to bother them. He had a multitude of other siblings they had to take care of and he didn’t want to bring his own burdens onto them as well. They had enough for him, so Zhangjing believed he could do enough for himself now.

Pushing himself up from his position beside the door, Zhangjing hauled himself over to the small closet he stored his clothes in. Pulling out his usual set of black slacks and white button up, he slowly got dressed, occasionally letting out a small sneeze. A chill had set into his bones, but now wasn’t the time to let a little cold overtake him. IF he could make it to the next day, maybe he could find a homeless shelter or something to sleep in.

Pulling on his coat, Zhangjing pocketed his keys and phone before heading out the door, being sure to lock it behind him. He felt the sharp chill of autumn cut through his jacket, but he didn’t have the time to dwell on it. Hurrying down the steps and onto the street, he made his way down to the small bar he worked at several blocks away from his apartment in a nicer area of town.

SPACE was a cozy little bar located on the basement floor of a larger building that specializes in clothing. During the day, it was run as a cafe, but at night it was a bar with a relaxing atmosphere. Zhangjing had been hired as bar help, but wasn’t proficient at mixing all the drinks. Instead, he found himself helping take orders of the patrons, helping clean, and occasionally cook when they got busy. Walking in, he already saw the owners, Yanlei and Jeffrey, prepping for the day. Yanlei worked behind the bar, being a jovial and chatty person compared to Jeffrey, who was in the back kitchen and mainly in charge of cooking. 

“Zhangjing! After you put your coat down and can you start cleaning off the tables? We have a large group call earlier and they’ve reserved at least 15 seats, so that’s our big draw for the night.” Yanlei called from his position behind the bar, waving as Zhangjing entered.

“Huh, we don't usually have parties that big… I’ll get started.” Zhangjing let out a small sneeze, sniffling and rubbing his nose. He headed back towards the kitchen, shouting out a small greeting to Jeffrey, who was prepping ingredients for the daily specials.

“Zhangjing, is that you? You don’t sound too great…” Jeffrey looked over his shoulder as the other walked into the back room, shrugging off his jacket.

“It’s probably just a small cold. It is that time of year after all. I’ll be fine for this shift though. It just started, after all.” Zhangjing sniffled as he made his way back out ot the main room, cleaning supplies in hand. He listened to the song Yanlei was blasting over the stereos, absently humming along as he went from table to table, cleaning off the crumbs and messes left behind from that day.

“So, how’s your agency hunt going?” Yanlei called, leaning over the bar to watch Zhangjing work with mild interest. “I’m still surprised no one’s called you back yet.”

“Don’t remind me about it…” Zhangjing grumbled, letting out another sneeze, rubbing his nose in his elbow. He continued until most the tables had been freed from the day’s filth, looking satisfied. “So, what’s this group that’s coming in?”

Yanlei shrugged, going back to checking the stock of the drinks behind the bar. “I dunno, some super star or something is visiting. They wanted to bring him somewhere lowkey to avoid photographers.”

Zhangjing paused, placing his armful of supplies on the bar. “... Was he possibly the same one who was on the news this morning?” His voice went quiet, hardly audible over the sound of the music that was playing.

“Yeah, you’re right! I think I did see something about him on TV today… What was his name? Lu… Ling? Lin? Oh shit, yeah, it was Lin Yanjun! Yeah, whatever company he’s with is bringing him here.”

If Zhangjing’s face could any paler, it did in that very moment. It was like a bad punch to the ribs that he was in no way prepared for. His hands stopped cleaning the table in front of him and he straightened himself up. Yanlei looked back, making a disgusted noise when he saw Zhangjing’s expression.

“What crawled up your ass and died? Zhangjing? Hello?” Yanlei walked over and waved a hand in front of the smaller man’s face, trying to get any kind of reaction from him. After a second, Zhangjing recoiled, flinching backwards.

“Um, I knew him… Before…” He whispered, a blank expression remaining on his face. “We, uh, dated… For a bit. Me and Yanjun, that is.”

Yanlei couldn’t help but be shocked, mouth hanging open. He continued to stare incredulously at Zhangjing for a moment, blinking a few times. “You? Dated Lin Yanjun? As in the famous guy from TV?”

Zhangjing only nodded. He took up the cleaning supplies in his arms and numbly heading back into the kitchen. “I don’t want to talk about it…” He mumbled, ignoring the shout Yanlei gave him. He rushed past Jeffrey to put the supplies back on the shelves. Zhangjing found himself standing in the supply closet for a moment in a vague attempt to collect his thoughts.

The Lin Yanjun who he has been trying to avoid since graduation was coming to his workplace with other people. With important people who have probably forever been way above Zhangjing’s pay grade. And Zhangjing would also be there. Standing there with a hole in his pocket that only he knew about, shoes that have been scuffed up from years of use, and a hand-me-down shirt that was a few sizes too big. And Yanjun would probably be dressed in some name brand suit with jewelry that was worth more money than Zhangjing had ever owned at once. The gap was still there. That had never changed. That will never change.

“Is something up?” Zhangjing jumped at the sound of Jeffrey’s soft voice behind him, looking over his shoulder. The manager had come over with worried painted on his usually blank facial features. Zhangjing sniffled and nodded, forcing a smile on.

“Um, I’m pretty sure I’ll be fine… And can I work back here tonight? I don’t want to sneeze on the customers…” Zhangjing nervously played with the fingers, not meeting Jeffrey’s gaze directly. There was a sigh before the response came.

“As much as I’d like to have you back here, Zeren called out today. Something about his boyfriend being sick? So, we’re short on hands and we need you to take orders… But if you’re really that uncomfortable, I’m sure we could call someone in.”

Zhangjing shook his head, trying to offer up a nervous smile. He couldn't burden Jeffrey more than he already had, so Zhangjing supposed he'd be fine. “N-no, I’ll be fine. It’s just taking orders. I’ll stay at the bar with Yanlei while we’re waiting for the orders and help anyone there. It’ll be fine.” The shorter man’s tone sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than Jeffrey, whose face didn't change much.

“If you say so… If you ever need to escape, you can come back here for a bit, okay?” Jeffrey gave a comforting smile before wrapping Zhangjing in a tight hug and stepping away. Zhangjing nodded before going back out on the floor, stepping behind the bar to help Yanlei finish up cleaning some glasses.

“Hey, I was thinking…”

“Yanlei we all know that’s dangerous for you.” A light punch found Zhangjing’s shoulder. “Ow!”

“As I was saying, I was thinking. What if you performed? Like, we open karaoke or something and you start it for us? If he’s a famous guy, then I’m sure he’d have some entertainment execs with him. One them would have to notice you!” Yanlei nodded to himself, almost like what he proposed was a good idea.

“Dong Yanlei, if you do that, I’ll kill you in your sleep…” Zhangjing muttered before sneezing again, sniffling his nose afterwards. “Either that, or try to get you very sick. That second one might happen anyway, though.”

Yanlei frowned before grumbling something and going back to his cleaning, casting glances towards Zhangjing. They spent a good part of the next hour making sure everything was perfect before customers began to file in. First were some of the usual faces, two friends and roommates named Qin Zimo and Jing Peiyao who always stopped by to drink and chat, as well as a third man, Lou Zibo, who sat at the end of the bar by himself and sipped on his drink while watching everything around him. Zhangjing couldn’t help but get more and more nervous as the clock ticked down, almost as if he were waiting for his own death sentence. Yanlei was making light conversation with the roommates when the bell on the door rang, signaling Zhangjing’s inevitable doom.

In walked a large group of people, all looking sharp and distinguished. Zhangjing couldn’t help but feel smaller than normal when Yanlei gave him a small push, nodding towards the group for Zhangjing to seat them. With a sigh, he walked around the bar and up to the group, taking up the few menus they had.

“Are you the party of 15?” He asked, trying to limit his sniffling. The man in front nodded, before turning back to the others and saying something in what seemed like a foreign language. The group turned their attention towards him and the familiar sting of a gaze rested on Zhangjing’s back. “Perfect. Right this way.”

He nodded and led them all to the collection of tables that were pushed together, setting out the menus. Each one took a seat and Zhangjing couldn’t help but giggle internally at their likeness. All of them were tall, wearing a fancy suits, and had this air of importance around them that seemed to be competing with each other over. All but one of them, who happened to be staring at Zhangjing with rapt attention. He tried to ignore that one.

“My name is Azora if you need anything. Our drink list is in the center of the table and if you want anything not listed, we will do our best to accommodate.” With a tiny bow, Zhangjing scurried away from the table and back towards the bar. He could feel himself shaking, either with nerves or illness he couldn’t tell, but it still didn’t feel pleasant.

“Yanlei, please take their orders, I can’t do this.” Zhangjing begged in a whisper, pulling the taller male down to his height. “He keeps staring at me, I can’t do this…”

Yanlei shook his head, cleaning off the glass in his hand. “No can do, Zhangjing. This is something you’re gonna have to deal with yourself. Besides, you can't mix drinks enough for me to leave.” He then motioned to the Zimo who was plopped down on the bar, head in his arms and Peiyao nowhere in sight. “It doesn’t help that this guy just had the worst confession of his life and now thinks drinking himself to death is a good answer. I need to keep and eye on him.”

Zhangjing and sighed and was about to get and fetch Jeffrey when Yanjun walked up to the bar. He held his phone in one hand and waved to the two of them with the other, keeping a careful eye on Zhangjing.

“I have our drink orders if you’ll take them here…” Zhangjing felt something strike him in the heart. The sound of Yanjun’s soft voice made him instantly go back to their younger days. Memories of him in Yanjun’s arms or waking up in Yanjun’s bed or hearing Yanjun’s voice after a stressful day flooded his mind and the shorter male could feel every wall he ever built up collapsing in that single moment. This was Lin Yanjun, his Lin Yanjun, who was still as charming and lovely as he was when they were together. With a choked sob, Zhangjing pushed Yanlei forward to take the order and ran into the kitchen past Jeffrey and into the bathroom where he slammed the door shut and sunk down to his knees, tears freely pouring from his eyes, much like that day from a year ago.

Ripping some toilet paper, Zhangjing tried his best to wipe his tears away, dabbing at the area under his eyes as well as blowing his nose, which was progressively becoming harder to breathe from. After what felt like a few minutes, there was a soft knocking at the door. “Zhangjing? Are you doing okay in there?” Jeffrey’s concerned voice came through with another knock. Shakily, Zhangjing managed to stand upright, swaying slightly, and opened the door.

“Sorry, I... I just got overwhelmed for a second. I can go back out.” Zhangjing nodded and tried to brush past Jeffrey who held him back with one hand on the shorter's shoulder.

“Zhangjing, you look like a mess. Are you sure you don’t want me to call in someone?” Jeffrey tried to stop Zhangjing from going any further, examining the brunette.

“No, I just need time, that’s all… I can get it done. ” Zhangjing muttered before breaking away from the grasp and heading back out onto the floor. He immediately went to the bar where a set of drink we already on a serving tray to be taken out.

“Zhangjing, there you are! Can you take these- shit, are you okay?” Yanlei saw the shorter man and placed down the drink he was making and grasped his shoulders, looking him over. He used one thumb to brush away a lingering tear, noting how Zhangjing’s eyes now looked red and puffy.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine…” It came out as a horse whisper, Zhangjing sniffling again in a fruitless attempt to clear his nose. "And jeeze, what is it with you two and grabbing shoulders? I'm gonna have bruises tomorrow," he tried to laugh, but even that sounded sad and pitiful. Suddenly there was a bang on the bar, startling both of them. Yanlei looked back with a slight glare to see Yanjun there, practically glaring at the two of them.

“Are the drinks ready yet?” He asked through a tight smile, feigning politeness. Yanlei turned back with an icy stare of his own. Straightening up, he walked over to the tray of drinks, Zhangjing followed close behind with his head held down. He refused to meet the look that he knew was burning holes into him.

Yanlei began yet again working on completing the drinks while Zhangjing walked over with the tray that had the first set, Yanjun following close behind. The shorter felt as though the drinks were heavier than usual, be it from Yanjun’s presence or his oncoming illness, but he couldn’t help but let the tray down a little too harshly on the free table, some of the drinks spilling over their sides. He mumbled a soft apology to the men around him as he used the towel on his apron to wipe down the spillage. With a small sniffle, Zhangjing began to call out the names of the drinks to deliver them to their proper patrons, reaching over the table to place them down. At one point, he felt a hand bump into him, but tried his best to ignore it.

Quickly scurrying away, he went back to collect the rest of the drinks without a word to Yanlei, placing them on the tray and hurrying back towards the table. There were fewer this time, but he still felt the weight of the tray heavily when placing it down. He handed out the last few drinks and nodded pulling out a notepad. “Is everyone ready to order?”

There was a small chorus of cheers as Zhangjing stood next to the table, glasses klinking together. After the small celebratoin, Zhangjing began to take down the various orders, doing his best to keep a smile on his face as he did so. Soon enough, he felt that familiar hand touch again, only this time, it was more than just a bump. He couldn’t help but shiver as he felt the hand begin to freely touch him, the man behind it a stranger who seemed to be calm about the whole thing. It stayed there while Zhangjing took each order, getting more intense with the touches. Once the last person ordered, Zhangjing couldn’t break away soon enough, practically running back into the kitchen.

“J-Jeffrey! Here are the orders!” He shouted, pinning them to the board on the wall before going into the back room to find tissues, trying to blow his nose the best he could. He stood there in the room for a moment, trying to collect himself.

It was only three hours into his shift and he had already experienced a small breakdown due to the presence of his ex, felt the progressive effects of whatever illness he caught, and was groped by some random stranger while taking orders. While the last one was nothing new, as drunk patrons did the same from time to time, his was more meaningful and deliberate. It made the brunette’s skin crawl with disgust, but at the end of the night, he knew he would never see him again, so it didn’t make much of a difference. At least, that’s what he tried to tell himself.

There was a knock on the door and Zhangjing jumped, only to look back and see Zimo standing there, looking drunk and defeated. He shuffled his way inside, lacking the usual cheerful spirit he had and eventually landed on the couch with a sigh.

“What happened?” Zhangjing asked softly, squatting down in front of the younger. He gently took Zimo’s hands with a look of concern.

“I need to stop drinking and running my big mouth…” Zimo muttered, hanging his head down. “We were talkin’ ‘bout crushes and stuff and I said I had one and they wanted to know who and I said it and then A-Yao got mad and he left and he dumped me before we could even go out and then I drank a bunch and Yanlei got mad ‘cause I got real drunk and now he told me to go back here ‘cause I’m gonna spend the night at his place ‘cause A-Yao told me to not come back home tonight…”

Zhangjing sat there in shock for a moment, blinking a few time. Eventually, he was able to make out most of the drunken slur, slowly piecing it all together. “So your crush was Peiyao and he couldn’t deal with it and left?” Zimo nodded slowly, crying softly now. “Hey, don’t do that. You both had a little bit to drink tonight and he was probably just surprised. Get some rest and the both of you can talk it over tomorrow, okay? I’m sure everything will work out just fine. You two are best friends and communication is the only way you can solve this. Trust me.”

Zimo nodded and wiped away some of his tears, taking in a deep breath. “You really think so Jingjing?”

Zhangjing smiled, standing up to ruffle Zimo’s hair. “I know so. Now get some rest don’t think too hard, okay?”

“You don’t have to worry too much about the last one!” Zimo called and properly laid down on the couch. "And use that advice for you too! Yanlei said that you were feeling all heartbroken over some guy, so if you are, you gotta talk too!" He chirped, smiling at Zhangjing. With a shake of is head, Zhangjing softly closed the door to the back room to let Zimo rest. In the kitchen, Jeffrey was focused on his cooking, so Zhangjing went back out on the floor to try and distract him as little as possible. He noticed a small group of new patrons who settled in the back quickly put on his server persona, grabbing menus and walking over to the table.

“Good evening. My name’s Azora and I’ll be your waiter for tonight. Is there anything I can get you started with?” The group of what seemed to be college aged girls jumped, surprised by Zhangjing’s presence. They all put in a quiet request for water, giggling in a group once Zhangjing walked away. He wandered back behind the bar to get their waters. Once he gave them their requested drink, they all said they hadn't chosen a meal yet, so he went back into the kitchen. While Zhangjing was trying to stay away from the floor as much as possible, he knew he probably should check on the status of the meals. The sooner they were ready, the sooner the group could leave.

As he did so, Jeffrey called out to him from his position in front of the stove. “Perfect! These are nearly done, can you help me plate them?” Jeffrey nodded towards the open plates to the side as well as the mostly finished entrees that rested on the stove. Zhangjing nodded, sniffling once before quickly washing his hands and beginning the plating process.

He always felt more comfortable in the kitchen than on the floor, working behind the scenes and with a door between him and the rest of the world. That, and he could taste test his own cooking, which was always a plus. Soon enough, they had finished all the meals and were quickly on their way out to serve them.

Back in the main area, a few more people were sat around the bar, talking loudly with Yanlei. The girls to the side were talking to each other excitedly, occasionally casting glances towards Yanjun’s group, all of whom seemed deep in a serious conversation. Zhangjing cleared his throat as he came over, announcing the presence of the food. This time, he made sure to stand at the other end of the table. Though it was closer to Yanjun, which still made his heart go incredibly fast, Zhangjing couldn’t help but feel a second pair of eyes now fixed on him as he sat the food down in front of the respective patron.

With a nervous bow and confirmation no one needed refills, Zhangjing went over the the group to the side, taking their order. He swiftly brought it to Jeffrey before going over to the bar and sitting down on a stool behind it. The brunette didn’t want to bother Zimo in the back room, so this was the only other place he could sit.

Now that he did have a moment to himself, everything seem to hit Zhangjing at once. He felt a chill deep in his bones, but his face felt warm and flushed. Every limb felt as though it weighed much more than it usually did, making his whole body feel sluggish. The fuzziness in his head seemed to distract him from the people around the bar, their voices fading into the dull sounds of the background. He sneezed loudly, nearly jolting himself out of his own stupor.

“Zhangjing? Are you getting worse?” Yanlei interrupted his conversation with Zibo to come over and check on the shorter. Pressing a hand to Zhangjing’s forehead, he let out a low whistle. “Damn, you’re burning up. Alright, that’s that. We’re gonna call someone in and they can help out. You need to see a doctor before you run yourself ragged.”

Zhangjing sniffled and shook his head, stumbling slightly as he got off the stool. Yanlei was there to catch Zhangjing, supporting him as the shorter tried his best to stand. “N-No, I’m fine, really. I’ll go after my shift.” Yanlei firmly placed Zhangjing back on the stool with a glare, not saying much else. He momentarily disappeared into the back kitchen before reappearing with Jeffrey, who looked to his own degree of furious.

“You Zhangjing! You need to go home right now. We’re not too busy tonight and I’ve called in Xinchun to take over the rest of your shift. You need medicine and rest.” Jeffrey stood above Zhangjing as he scolded him, voice hushed and harsh. Zhangjing, at this point, was too tired and weak to argue, merely sniffling and looking down. Jeffrey had been his manager for a long time and rarely did he ever see him get angry, nevermind this silent anger that seemed scarier than him shouting.

“I-I can’t leave though… I need the money…” He whispered softly, anxiously adjusting the cuffs on his shirt. He didn’t even know if the manager heard him until Jeffrey’s expression softened. Zhangjing was then guided to the back by Jeffrey, who also helped him put on his coat. Zimo was fast asleep on the couch, not even moving when they began to talk.

“Zhangjing, we’ll still pay you for your full shift. Don’t worry about anything. Now go home and sleep this off until you can get to a doctor’s office." As Jeffrey zipped up Zhangjing's coat, a frown crossed his face. "Your coat is far too thin for this kind of weather, do you want a scarf? I have an extra you can use if you'd like.” Zhangjing smiled back and zipped his light coat up to his chin, shaking his head slightly.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to trouble you any more than this…” Zhangjing moved forward to wrap Jeffrey in a hug, sniffling slightly. “Thank you.”

Jeffrey sighed and lightly hugged Zhangjing back, giving him a small pat. “Any time. Now go get some rest and promise me you'll see a doctor tomorrow.”

Zhangjing nodded once more before he made his way out of the kitchen and back onto the floor. He noticed Yanjun’s group finishing up, but paid them as little heed of them as he could, quickly scooting out the door and back into the cold New York air. Now that it was late at night, there were less people on the streets, but a colder nip to the air that made Zhangjing feel even worse. He began to slowly trudge his way home.

Lost in his own thoughts, he didn’t even register another set of footsteps behind him. It wasn’t until Zhangjing found himself slammed into the wall of a tight alleyway did he find reason for alarm. Pinning him there was a forearm pressed against his neck. Looking up, Zhangjing managed to connect the face with the same man who was feeling him up from Yanjun’s group. The shorter attempted to struggle against the grip, but to no avail.

The man leaned forward, softly whispering into Zhangjing’s ear. “I know who you are. You’ve been trying out at all the idol agencies around here, haven’t you? Poor child, you haven’t gotten into a single one. Maybe you’re just trying out for the wrong kind of idol?” He emphasized his point by taking his free hand and slipping it down the front of the brunette’s pants, gripping him roughly.

“N-No! Stop, let me go!” Zhangjing pleaded as loud as he could, eyes going wide. It didn't seem loud enough though, the sneezing and overall sickness he felt making his voice sound more feeble than he wanted. He felt the hand undo his pants and couldn’t help but let out a small whimper, still trying to free himself from the man.

“Now, now. Just be a good boy and I’ll make you as famous as you want…” The man whispered, hand slipping under Zhangjing’s last bit of clothing to touch him directly. Alarm bells now began to ring in Zhangjing's head as he tried to shout for help, but it just came out as rough coughs. The pressure applied to his throat was too much to allow him to do much beyond taking shallow breaths at this point.

From the entrance of the alleyway, there was a sudden burst of light and the sound of a shout. “H-Hey! Stop that! I’ll calling the police!”

The man clicked his tongue before untangling himself from Zhangjing and running deeper into the alley, away from the street. Now free, Zhangjing slid down the wall with a gasp for air, shaking with tears silently falling from his eyes. The voice came over to him, awkwardly moving around him.

“Oh my gosh, are you okay? I was going home and I heard your shout. That guy was such a creep! Do you need any help?” The voice belonged to a short girl with an odd accent, but concern still lacing every word. Zhangjing pushed himself into a better sitting position, trying to catch his breath before he responded. Suddenly, there was another sound from the entrance to the alleyway and the little bit of light that was let through from the city was blocked by a new figure, something a bit more familiar.

“Zhangjing!” The familiar sound of his name on Yanjun’s tongue caused everything in Zhangjing to stop. Out of everyone in the world, he was the last person Zhangjing wanted to see him like this.

“W-Wait! Do you know him?” The girl stood up as a nervous barrier between Zhangjing and Yanjun, making sure the brunette wouldn’t be attacked again. After a quick word with Yanjun, she seemed to relax and left soon after, calling out a quick “I hope you feel better!” to Zhangjing, Who now managed to stand upright and try to fix his clothes.

Yanjun stood there, looking down at the man in front of him. How long had it been since they last interacted? Too long was the first comment in his head to ring through, but he had to push that away for now. Without thinking, he rushed forward and pulled Zhangjing into a tight hug, taking in a deep breath of the other’s scent. “I’m sorry I’m late… If I could have been here earlier, I would have been... Fuck, I'm so sorry.”

Zhangjing didn’t shrug Yanjun off like the taller had expected. Instead, he just stood there, leaning most of his weight on Yanjun. In fact, it took Yanjun a moment to realize Zhangjing was barely even conscious. Moving the smaller man slightly back, Yanjun was met with a flushed expression and half closed eyes.

“Zhangjing? Xiao Tuzi? Hey, stay with me. How’re you doing?” Yanjun cupped Zhangjing’s face in his hands, feeling the heat radiating through his cheeks. Zhangjing slowly blinked in response. The shock from what happened as well as the fever seemed to be setting in deep. At this point, Zhangjing looked as if he was too fever ridden to even process it was Yanjun talking to him.

“‘M gonna go home…” He muttered softly, brushing off Yanjun’s hand and making his way out of the alleyway and back on to the sidewalk. Worried, Yanjun followed close behind, making sure Zhangjing could at least make it home.

Zhangjing was too tired and too sick to even say anything at that point. He had one goal in mind and that was his bed. Every part of him screamed to just collapse on the street and sleep there, but that would be tomorrow’s problem, not today’s. Eventually, the familiar decrepit building came into view, Zhangjing finding the last bit of energy to pick up his pace and head up the stairs, blocking out the voice that called to him from the bottom.

Soon enough, he found himself unlocking his door and stepping inside. The door swung shut behind him and Zhangjing couldn’t do much else than collapse into his bed, curling up as he pulled up his thin blanket towards his face and quickly falling into a much needed, but difficult sleep.

Yanjun stood outside the door, shifting from foot to foot nervously. Would Zhangjing let him in? Would he even want to see his face? With a sigh, he steeled up enough courage to knock on the door, but got no response. He waited a few moments before trying again, only to get the same lack of response. Nervous at this point, Yanjun tried to door knob only to have the door swing open, left unlocked.

“Zhangjing?” He whispered out, looking around the room. What Yanjun saw made him stop cold. The room was possibly one of the saddest things he had seen. Smaller than even their college dorm rooms, it was outfitted with a bathroom tucked into one corner, a small kitchenette along the back wall, and a living room. There was an old TV situated on a table and a small couch in the center of the room. In the corner opposite the door was the scariest sight of all: Zhangjing was shivering under a blanket that looked older than the brunette using it. He was still in his clothes from earlier on a mattress that had no fitted sheet and was simply on the floor. Yanjun’s heart broke at that very moment, seeing the situation Zhangjing was living in. How could anyone even live like this?

“Zhangjing… Is this why you went to work as sick as you were?” Yanjun whispered, going over to crouch beside Zhangjing who was sleeping, but looked to be in pain. His breathing seemed to be labored and usually sweet face was scrunched up in pain. Yanjun frowned, getting up to look around. Entering the kitchen are, he saw only the basics. Some trash bags, ramen, and a box of cereal. There was very little of substance here, even when the cupboards were opened to reveal unused plates and bowls. The Zhangjing he remembered always seemed to be snacking on something, his cheeks typically round with snacks. The memory made Yanjun smile a bit, but the reality of it all showed that he wouldn't be seeing those cheeks any time soon.

With a sigh, Yanjun looked back at Zhangjing and patted his jacket down, quickly finding his keys in the pocket. Taking them, Yanjun headed out the door, making sure to lock it behind him.

*

By the time Zhangjing woke up that morning, sunlight was filtering through the window and into his face. With a sneeze, he bolted himself awake, looking around the room. Something about it was different than he remembed, which he had hoped wasn't due to him going crazy from fever. Looking down, he first noticed a new blanket on him, thicker and warmer than the previous tattered fabric he was using. In the kitchen, his cabinets were filled with food, the sight of fresh fruit on the counter making Zhangjing’s mouth water. He hadn’t ever seen his kitchen that full before. He got up to look around it, opening the cupboards and fridge to seem them stocked with his favorites. Next to the fruit was a box of cold medicine, something Zhangjing knew he probably woulnd't have gotten himself. Then he noticed a note on the counter.

“Xiao Tuzi, I noticed your cabinets last night and couldn’t help but be concerned. I know you’re sick, so I got some supplies. Please call me when you see this. My number hasn't changed-LYJ”

Zhangjing didn’t even need to finish the note to know who wrote it. The perfect handwriting was a sign that screamed “LIN YANJUN” in its own right. He shuddered, taking one of the apples out of the bowl and examining it. He may have complicated feelings towards Yanjun, but the food didn’t do anything wrong, right?

Taking a bite from it, he moved to the small couch to check his phone (which he also didn’t remember plugging in last night). On it was another note with the same perfect handwriting.

“If you want to press charges about last night, here’s Molly’s number. She can give you the pictures of your attacker” was on it along with a number on the bottom. Zhangjing pauses, not crumpling this one immediately. He cautiously placed it in his jacket pocket, knowing it may come in handy later.

Checking his phone, he sees a few texts from Yanlei and Jeffrey, both telling him to stay home tonight and heal, as well as "see a damn doctor", as the bartender put it. Above them was another text from Jin, reminding him to move out by that night. Zhangjing groaned, head falling into his lap. No matter how shitty he felt, he needed to leave his apartment and the last bit of shelter it gave him. The sad part was, his cabinets were finally filled with food and he couldn't even enjoy it.

With a sigh, Zhangjing pulled his duffle bags out from under the couch. They were both a decent size, enough to fill with his pitiful collection of clothes and some food. If he planned it all well enough, he could wear some layers while putting the rest in his backpack to make enough room in his larger bags for food. He began to fill it as much as he could, first with his clothes then with the food Yanjun got for him. The apple from earlier was enough to quell the hunger that grabbed at his stomach, allowing Zhangjing to push through. He could still feel his fever, but some medication from Yanjun that was left on the counter was enough to help him through most of the packing. It wasn’t until he was mostly done that he felt tired once again.

Zhangjing’s movements had become sluggish and he was sniffling and sneezing what felt like every second. He eyed bed with the comfy new blanket, but he knew if he laid down, he would fall sleep immediately. Instead, Zhangjing opted to turn on the TV, wrapping the blanket around him and watching it through glazed eyes. It was still on the same new channel as last time, a replay of an interview flickering on the screen.

_“I wrote this new song in hopes of reaching someone. They were really special to me a few years ago and I’ve never forgotten about them. So, I hope they can hear this and know I’m still thinking about them.”_

_“Wow, what inspiring words! It looks like Yanjun is a man who honors his feelings to matter how old they are! And that was this morning’s interview with up and coming pop sensation, Lin Yanjun who is currently on tour-“_

Zhangjing clicked off the TV and stared at the black screen for a bit. He had avoided as much of Yanjun’s music as possible, but he was becoming so mainstream, it was difficult to do. Picking up his phone, Zhangjing quickly searched for Yanjun’s new songs. It came up almost immediately, a video with lyrics being the first thing to pop up. Clicking on the video labelled "Imperfect Love", he skimmed through the lyrics of both and wrapped his blanket closer around himself. Was this how Yanjun really felt? About Zhangjing? About everything?

Slowly, Zhangjing went over to his bed, slowly pulling out an envelope from underneath it. Opening it was like opening a different Zhangjing. One from college who had hoped and dreams and love. He had love back then. And not just any love, that Zhangjing had Yanjun’s love above everything else. This current Zhangjing had it too, but he chose to throw it all away. For Yanjun’s own sake, but now he was wondering if it was all worth it.

A banging knock at the door startled Zhangjing, causing him to jump. Slowly. He put the envelope in his bag, making sure it didn’t get crumpled by anything. Opening the door, Zhangjing saw Jin standing there, offering him a slight smile.

“I’m sorry, I promise I’ll be out soon…” Zhangjing whispered, letting out another sneeze. Wiping his nose on the sleeve of his jacket, he shuffled into the room and pick up his bags, slinging one on his back and another around his shoulder. For even extra protection, Zhangjing managed to tuck the blanket between the backpack and his back, the back of it hanging out slightly.

And with that, he dropped the keys into Jin’s hand and took one last look at the place he had once called home. It probably looked small and pitiful to some, but to Zhangjing, it was his oasis and protection from the harsh reality of the outside world. And now, it was gone.

He gave a small bow and whisper of thanks to Jin before descending the stairs and heading out to onto the road. He didn't know where to go, but even if he did, he didn't have any mode of transportation besides his own feet, despite having a driver’s license. Zhangjing hadn’t owned a car while he was here, so that was out of the question. Hotels and motels were usually more expensive then his own rent and if Zhangjing was being honest with himself, he likely couldn’t even afford to stay there one night.

Somehow, his feet had brought him into the main part of the city. It was filled with busy evening traffic and even if the amount of people on the streets lessened, it seemed like the cars never did. He paused by an intersection watching the cars wiz by. This gave Zhangjing and idea.

He slowly placed his bags down on the sidewalk next to a building and opened the backpack to pull out the envelope. He didn't open it, but instead pulled it close to him and watched the cars go. He looked both ways to see the onslaught of cars not slowing down and took his first step out into the bike lane. There seemed to be a red light further down the road, halting the stream of cars for just a moment. He then moved into one of the lanes and closed his eyes, hoping to feel impact soon.

“I love you, Yanjun…” He whispered with a tear running down his face when he felt the impact.

But it wasn’t like he expected. Instead of feeling the whole weight of a speeding car hit him from the side, Zhangjing could feel himself getting yanked backwards, tumbling over the lip of the sidewalk, and crashing backwards into another body. In front of him, a van blared it’s horn as it went by, zooming over the area Zhangjing had once been.

“What the actual fuck were you thinking! You could have gotten yourself killed!” Came the all too familiar chide from under him. Zhangjing didn’t have to turn around to know underneath him was Yanjun.

“What are you doing here…?” Came the brunette’s small whisper, voice sounding hollow.

“Saving you, if that counts for anything! You were about to be killed!” Yanjun quickly felt his anger melt away once he noticed Zhangjing beginning to shudder, the sound of sniffling and small whimpers becoming clear.

“Maybe that’s what I wanted. Maybe I just want to die already, okay? I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do this any more…” Zhangjing couldn’t keep the defeat out of his voice as he sat there and silently cried on the sidewalk. In his arms, he still clung to the envelope. It was like his lifeline there, keeping him grounded in the past just enough to talk to Yanjun normally. "You don't know me anymore... Please stop interferring."

Meanwhile, people began to whisper around the pair, some people recognizing and snapping pictures of Yanjun with an unknown boy in his lap. The idol let out an irritated sigh and stood up, running a hand through his hair. He helped Zhangjing up as well, noticing the shorter was far more unsteady on his feet. Looking around, Yanjun noticed the familiar van of his company, the one he often used to get from shoot to shoot.

“Looks like that’ll have to work…” Cracking his knuckles, Yanjun easily lifted Zhangjing, throwing the smaller male over his shoulder. Zhangjing immediately let out cry of shock, surprised by the sudden action. He pounded on Yanjun’s back with his free hand, sniffling and crying. The other hand, however, kept a firm grip on the letter.

“Let me down! It’s been a year, please just let me go! Yanjun!” Zhangjing heard a car door open before he felt himself be gently placed into a seat in a van. The door was closed and locked on him as soon as he was placed there. IThe whole ordeal was much gentler than Zhangjing had imagined, but that also may have been due to his sickness making him too weak to even pose much of a threat in the first place.

“Take him to the hotel… No, I’ll take a taxi. Keep him in here until I get there… No, this isn’t illegal! Just go…” Yanjun’s short conversation with the driver was enough for Zhangjing to shrink back into his seat, holding the envelope close to him. His bags were still discarded on the street and everything seemed to be moving too fast for his hazy mind to keep up. With a sudden start, the car started headed into traffic, Zhangjing locked in the back seat.

One car ride later, Zhangjing could hardly keep himself together. The medicine had worn off and his body felt simultaneously hot and cold. He was involuntarily shaking, but his grip on the letter was as strong as before. His vision had gone slightly hazy with fever and nothing seemed to be processing in his head. It was a struggle to even stay awake, but Zhangjing tried his best to not succumb to the sleep that seemed to be calling him.

By the time Yanjun finally arrived, Zhangjing’s bags in tow, the brunette had lost his internal battle and was sleeping in the seat. Opening the door, Yanjun couldn’t help but smile softly. Zhangjing slept just like how he remembered: curled up into a ball and clutching something. The brunette always was very cuddly in bed. With a small sigh, the taller man handed off the bags to his assistant, asking her to take them up to his room. She left with a curt nod, leaving Yanjun alone with Zhangjing.

Zhangjing's sleep was uncomfortable at best, every other breath filled with a  sniffle or hiccup. A small trail of tears were visible on his cheeks, now dried. Yanjun frowned, lightly tucking a piece of hair away  from the other's face. It didn’t take much to tell Zhangjing wasn’t doing well. Even when the blond lifted him up the first time, Yanjun noticed that Zhangjing was far lighter than anytime he had been in college. His cheeks, which were usually rounded and flush, now where hollow and pale, the only coloring coming from his fever induced state. Even his clothes seemed to hang off the smaller male’s body, obviously several sizes too big for him.

Biting his lip, Yanjun scooped Zhangjing up in his arms, bringing their faces close together. Lightly touching their noses together in an eskimo kiss, as they often did in the past, Yanjun carried the brunette through the underground parking lot and into the hotel. He disregarded any looks from passerbys and kept his head held high as he cradled Zhangjing in his arms. Approaching his room, his assistant was waiting outside and clicking off her phone as she noticed the idol approaching.

“Yanjun. The bags are all set and your schedule for tomorrow has been cleared. I moved your lunch date with the president of Kun studios to Thursday and your interview with the magazines have all been postponed to Friday. Is there anything else you need me for?” She cast a glance at the man in Yanjun’s arms but made no comment on him, merely pursing her lips together in silent disapproval.

“No, that’s fine. Thank you Mia. A lot. This really means a lot of me…” Yanjun dipped his head down, casting a soft expression at Zhangjing. He now seemed more confortable, curling  in towards Yanjun.

Mia nodded, walking past Yanjun and adjusting her glasses. “I’ll work with publishers to make sure nothing about today… Gets skewed. Keep your phone on tomorrow for questions. I would like a full report eventually.”

Yanjun nodded before watching her disappear back down the elevator. Quickly, he managed to open the door, which Mia had left slightly ajar, and headed inside. He laid Zhangjing down on the large bed and tucked him in. Yanjun quickly got to work whipping up a small meal for them both. A simple soup would help Zhangjing for now.

A while later, Zhangjing awoke to something soft. He felt like he was wrapped in clouds and floating on nothing. The brunette still felt the uncomfortable heat and stuffiness of his illness, but otherwise, nothing was wrong. Where could be, feeling this comfortable? Thinking back, he last remembered stepping out into traffic before everything went hazy. Was this the hospital maybe? It was odd considering he didn’t hear any beeping and his body didn’t ache beyond the uncomfortable cramping from laying down. Then… was he dead?

Zhangjing struggled to open his eyes for a moment before rubbing the sleep out of them and looking around. He noticed the room was possibly the fanciest place he’s ever been in. It was intricately decorated with art and various decorations, but most importantly, it was big. Like, really big. Larger than nearly any room he’d ever been in beforehand and definitely larger than the room he was just evicted from.

There was the sound of swearing and a clattering of metal that made Zhangjing jump, his heart rate increasing intensely. With a hand on his chest, Zhangjing peered past the canopy of the bed, trying to find the source. What he saw hit too close to home for his own liking.

Yanjun was gingerly picking up a pot lid from the floor, slowly placing it into the sink. He wore a sweatshirt and a pair of plain sweatpants. No brands emblazoned themselves on the clothes and they were both pretty tame in color. It was something you would never think you'd see and idol wear, but there one was in a pair of random lazy clothes. Zhangjing couldn’t help but chuckle slightly, knowing that even after a year, Yanjun was still a mess in the kitchen.

With the sound of Zhangjing's soft laughter, Yanjun whipped his head around, expression lighting up when he saw the other awake. He quickly put something into the microwave before hurrying over to the sick brunette. He sat on the edge of the bed, keeping himself a safe distance away.

“Zhangjing, are you feeling better? You’ve been asleep for quite a few hours now…” Yanjun’s hand was placed in Zhangjing’s own hand, which was resting in his lap. The brunette stared down at it for a moment, biting his lip. His first instinct was to throw himself at Yanjun, cry about everything that’s happened, and then just spend all day cuddling in bed together, but the rational part of Zhangjing knew that wasn’t how any of this. Slowly, reluctantly, Zhangjing drew his hand away from under Yanjun’s and hugged himself tightly.

“Yeah, I am, thank you…” He sniffled, looking around again. “I must have disturbed you, I’m sorry… I-I’ll get going, I don’t want to bother you anymore…”

Zhangjing moved to get out of bed, but he didn’t make it very far. Yanjun had quickly pinned the smaller male down by his shoulders, eyes dangerous. Zhangjing couldn’t help but remember the same look in the man’s eyes from the night before and begin to shake, his own eyes going wide. After a few tense moments, Yanjun clicked his tongue and got up, running a hand through his hair.

“Don’t look at me like that! Fuck, this isn’t how I wanted this to go at all…” The idol took a deep breath, closing his eyes. “You were running a dangerously high fever last night. I should have brought you to the hospital if anything, but I know that would have made you even more upset.”

Zhangjing narrowed his eyes, hugging himself tighter. “How would you have known what I felt? You don’t know anything about me anymore. We’re practically strangers at this point…”

“I found you about to kill yourself, Zhangjing! How was I supposed to react!? Save you and then let you go back to whatever life you were living!? I saw your old room, so don’t even try to lie to me. I know your landlord kicked you out because when I was bringing in groceries, he told me. You’re fucking homeless. I was not about to let you live like that.” Yanjun felt his heart break at the blunt statement, but he knew there was not other way to bring sense back to Zhangjing without emphasizing it. It seemed to hit its target as the smaller male froze, eyes fixed on nothing but a random spot in the distance.

“It’s my life… I cut you out of it a year ago, you don’t need to concern yourself with me like this. Maybe it would have been better if you just left me there.” Zhangjing’s words were softly spoken and broken, holding little hope for anything in them.

Yanjun paused for a moment, taking it all in before walking over to stand beside Zhangjing in bed. The blond leaned down and wrapping Zhangjing in a tight hug, nuzzling into the brunette’s hair. He let out a deep sigh in attempt to keep himself from screaming at the other. “Then die, You Zhangjing. Kill your past self off. Become a new Zhangjing and be reborn for me. Be mine again. If this is a new you, then this could be a new us. Please.”

Zhangjing froze. The only thing he could feel being the sound of his heart beating rapidly in his chest. The feeling of Yanjun he’s been missing for a year now was all around him. Yanjun’s heat, Yanjun’s touch, Yanjun’s smell, Yanjun's everything was surrounding Zhangjing and that was the final trigger. He cracked, first with only a few tears going down his face before soon enough, Zhangjing was a sobbing mess that clung tightly onto the blond, hiding his face into the crook of the taller’s neck.

In the distance, the microwaved pinged with completion, but it was ignored by both of the males in the room. Yanjun had now slipped into bed with Zhangjing, holding the brunette close to him and giving him small kisses on occasion. Zhangjing was now just sniffling and hiccuping, finding himself gradually relaxing in Yanjun's embrace. 

“You know, now that I have you, I won’t let you leave my side again…” Yanjun murmured softly, intertwining his fingers with Zhangjing’s own. The smaller flinched slightly, but returned the gesture and tightened his grip on Yanjun's hand.

“But what about the reporters? Once they find out you’re dating a nobody, not to mention a guy, they’ll have a field day with it… Maybe we should-“

“No.” Yanjun shifted towards Zhangjing, making sure their eyes could meet. “If the reporters want a story, I don’t care. You’re the one I chose and you’re the one who I’m staying with. I love you, Zhangjing. I was already defeated by you once before. I don’t think I could take that again. Ever.

“So let them report about us. I don’t care what happens to my fame or anything. As long as I can come home at the end of the day and see your smiling face, I don’t need anything else.” Yanjun finished by leaning in and capturing Zhangjing’s lips in a soft kiss. He tried to keep it for as long as possible, a sad attempt to convey all the emotions he had bottled up over the past year. Everything felt just right Zhangjing, just like it had a year ago. Deep down, they both knew they craved this.

When they broke away, Yanjun couldn’t help but go back for another, feeling Zhangjing’s lips move back passionately against his own. This was all that he needed for confirmation that Zhangjing was his once again. And this time, Yanjun wouldn’t let him go. Soon enough, the two of them were laying there, bodies pressed impossibly together as they slept in each other’s arms. Yanjun was there. Zhangjing was there.

Together, they were both whole again.


End file.
